You've got mail
Three guys drinking in a trendy bar, there is a loud ping noise. One of the guys says, "it's ok, I have received an email. I can view it from the right lens of my glasses"."Wow", was the response from the other two.
Shortly afterwards a loud peep peep was heard. The second guy says, "It's ok, I have received a video clip, I can view it on my watch".
"Really", said the other two, "Wow fantastic".
The third guy goes to the toilet and returns with his pants down and toilet paper trailing from his back side. He looks at the other two and says, "You will never guess where I just received a fax".
I'm slipping away
Many years ago the old Scottish Judge lay dying in his bed ( hang you quicker than look at you)
His wife pulled up a chair beside the bed " how are you James"
"No well Jean I'm slipping away, ready for the long dark journey".
"I can see that James".
"I've a wee confession to make".
"A confession! Your no a Catholic! Your an Elder of the Kirk".
"No that sort of confession, do you remember those business trips I took to Glasgow twice a month over the years"?
"Aye remember them well, I've always known."
"You have always known?"
"Aye that's why I've poisoned you"!
John Wood-Cowling
His wife pulled up a chair beside the bed " how are you James"
"No well Jean I'm slipping away, ready for the long dark journey".
"I can see that James".
"I've a wee confession to make".
"A confession! Your no a Catholic! Your an Elder of the Kirk".
"No that sort of confession, do you remember those business trips I took to Glasgow twice a month over the years"?
"Aye remember them well, I've always known."
"You have always known?"
"Aye that's why I've poisoned you"!
John Wood-Cowling
Holy golf
A minister decided he would play golf one morning instead of
preaching to his congregation. He chose a golf course outside the area
so he would not be recognised.
Two angels in heaven were watching him. One nudged the other and said, "watch this". The minister teed off and scored a hole in one.
"Why did you allow that?" asked the other angel.
"I allowed it", said the angel, "because he won't be able to tell anyone!"
Elizabeth Ferguson
Two angels in heaven were watching him. One nudged the other and said, "watch this". The minister teed off and scored a hole in one.
"Why did you allow that?" asked the other angel.
"I allowed it", said the angel, "because he won't be able to tell anyone!"
Elizabeth Ferguson
Three lifelines left
Paddy is on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, host Chris Tarrant asks:
"For £200, who was the Great Train Robber, A, Ronnie Corbett. B,
Ronnie Wood. C, Ronnie Barker or D, Ronnie Biggs?"
Paddy says: "I've had a great day Chris but Im going to take the money."
An astonished Chris replies: "But you've still got 3 lifelines left, you're not that thick are you Paddy?"
Paddy says: "I might be thick Chris, but I'm certainly no grass."
Gaz - Daventry
Paddy says: "I've had a great day Chris but Im going to take the money."
An astonished Chris replies: "But you've still got 3 lifelines left, you're not that thick are you Paddy?"
Paddy says: "I might be thick Chris, but I'm certainly no grass."
Gaz - Daventry
You've got mail
Three guys drinking in a trendy bar, there is a loud ping noise.
One of the guys says, "it's ok, I have received an email. I can view it
from the right lens of my glasses".
"Wow", was the response from the other two.
Shortly afterwards a loud peep peep was heard. The second guy says, "It's ok, I have received a video clip, I can view it on my watch".
"Really", said the other two, "Wow fantastic".
The third guy goes to the toilet and returns with his pants down and toilet paper trailing from his back side. He looks at the other two and says, "You will never guess where I just received a fax".
John Carrington
"Wow", was the response from the other two.
Shortly afterwards a loud peep peep was heard. The second guy says, "It's ok, I have received a video clip, I can view it on my watch".
"Really", said the other two, "Wow fantastic".
The third guy goes to the toilet and returns with his pants down and toilet paper trailing from his back side. He looks at the other two and says, "You will never guess where I just received a fax".
John Carrington
Happy hour
Join the Tiscali forums and get your daily fix of humour and debate.
Father's day jokes
We all know that Dads love to give us their repertoire of jokes at
any given time no matter how good or bad they may be. So why not get
your own back and stash some more up your sleeve?!
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